The past two weeks, three clients came to me expressing frustrations, ready to abandon their career plans because of setbacks and delays; I met five women at a symposium, each ready to walk away from their dreams; and I listened to a dynamic keynote speaker talk about how earlier in his career he was quick to give up what he knew in his heart was meant to be. Thankfully this morning, I was reminded by Steve Harvey, yes the comedian, the, “Joy is in the journey.” I almost had an accident while driving because those were the exact words I shared with my clients and new found colleagues recently. When he said that, it was confirmation I had to change my post this week and share it with you!
Feeling like your career plans aren’t meant to be? You’re not progressing as quickly as you’d like, or you’re getting the wrong kind of what I like to call, “hits,” when companies express an interest in you but the position is not a match skill wise or it’s a step backwards?
Career changes, transitions, and even workplace conflicts are not created equal. There’s no cookie-cutter process. Every step along the way to move forward or resolve an issue will flesh out differently for various reasons.
When moments or days of frustration come upon you, remember these things to help you stay focused and not give up.
You have a right to make it. You've worked hard. Everything you’re doing now is setting the stage for what’s to come.
Be ready when the opportunity comes. You are doing everything you can, that’s within your control, right? If not, be relentless. It makes the dfference in being ready vs. getting ready. Don’t stop until you get everything you need to complete done.
Trust the delay. Steve said it best this morning. If you want your garden of life to be filled with beautiful flowers then understand that means some rain will have to come. Sometimes it may be a sprinkle, other times a downpour. Trust the rain knowing that in the end it will cause the flowers to bloom, blossom, and grow.
Celebrate in advance. Be thankful in advance. Tell yourself what’s to come is better than what’s been. You’ll see yourself with greater clarity in the role, place, or position you aspire to be.
Oh and before I forget. The keynote speaker I mentioned earlier. He joked about one time when he decided he was going to join the Peace Corps and leave his past in the dust if the company he was trying to get into did not call him by the end of the week. Well, several weeks went by before they called. He ended up being interviewed by half of the company (his words) and landed the job. But that's not the end. The recruiter that arranged the interviews later became his wife of 22 years! Talk about delayed time purposed to be divine time! Imagine what he would have missed out on had he gone away. Take heed. Don’t try to move ahead of time and end up at the wrong destination. Enjoy the journey.
They’re everywhere. Always around, waiting to sit next to you at the team meeting or for you to take a break. Toxic coworkers. You see them more than your loved ones during the week. They strike at the worst times, draining any excitement, motivation, and stamina you have reserved to get through the workweek.
Not all coworkers are bad. There’s something you can learn from each (good and bad) including these toxic ones, but if you’re in the midst of a workplace conflict or trying to transform your career, it would be wise to avoid these 4 types at all cost. Keep interactions to a minimum, focused on work only so you move forward with your plans.
The Constant Complainer
Self explanatory. Spend time more than necessary with this coworker and you’ll find yourself in a funk, complaining about everything. Their complaints are usually valid but they channel negative energy. They never offer up solutions, they simply like to complain. Being angry and frustrated all the time is not good. It can lead to a lack of focus, productivity, and even health problems.
The Con Man
Most people are overworked and underpaid. It’s a fact. This coworker though takes it to the extreme. They’re a mixture of several toxic types which can be lethal. Instead of getting their work done, they use the, "I'm so overworked and underpaid story" to con you or others into doing work for them, while they continue to hang out at the water cooler, take extended lunches or mental health days once a month.
The Cry Baby
You have enough going. You don’t have time to invest listening to somebody else cry and whine about their personal problems. It’s great when we get to know more about our coworkers beyond their professional merits but you are not a therapist, counselor, or doctor. Tell them to get the help they need from the right source and keep it pushing.
The Chronic-Condition
Mr. or Ms. Disease-itis is probably a better name for them. They’re sick all the time, with some ailment. And while they’re not necessarily spreading germs, they’re spreading noise…noise about their doctor appointments, medicines they're taking, sick time they've scheduled, and procedures their doctors will be performing (in order to get better, right). They’re always ill. Be compassionate of course but don’t get duped into managing their health problems for/with them.
In some ways, coworkers are like family. You don’t to get to choose who they are for the most part, you just have to learn to work with them. Take note of these 4 and stay away. Your days will be less stressful and more productive. It’s about you right now, your career aspirations and sanity.
And if you saying to yourself, “Wow Anisha, you’ve described how some say I interact with them.” STOP NOW…seriously. Commit now to making a change for the better. Your colleagues will appreciate it and your career will benefit from it.
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as the “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients to transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly maintain a peace of mind.
The first step in documenting any kind of workplace conflict (i.e. bullying, discrimination, harassment, or retaliation) is simply to help you ascertain what’s going on. Does the evidence and note-taking you’ve assembled support in black and white what you believe you've been experiencing? Second, it can help you identify patterns in the aggressor's behavior that gives clues to how you can adjust or change one or more patterns of how you work, interact with him or her, and other colleagues, to curtail or put an end to the unwanted treatment. Third, it’s your security blanket, should you decide to make a formal complaint to HR, management team, and/or outside third party.
When making a formal complaint, it's important to show that you've made attempts on your own to find productive ways to stop the unwanted treatment. There are many ways to do this. Here are two more examples you can use. (I also shared a tip in the post, “You Think Your Boss Is Giving You An Ulcer”) Check it out.
a) During your next 1:1 meeting (if your aggressor is your immediate manager or a colleague you meet with frequently) ask him or her if the two of you can discuss ways to facilitate better communication and work patterns between the two of you to avoid further disruption to your individual productivity and interaction with each other. Recap the discussion via email after your meeting so the information/discussion is in black and white.
b) When delivering a work product, following up on a matter etc., always send an email recapping the fact you’ve completed your work assignment(s) and close with a statement to the effect of, “This assignment, email, or work product, etc. meets your expectations per our discussion on _________________. Should you require any additional information, I am available to review or discuss on______________ (propose a time based on your workday/availability).
Here are some final tips that will help you maintain control of the situation as you move forward to make a formal complaint. HR representatives often use these techniques when addressing conflicts/issues with management 1) to ensure information shared is succinct and consistent and 2) to influence management to take appropriate actions to resolve the issues.
1 – Craft an outline of your story, the situation
Use your notes and supporting evidence to put together a succinct outline of incidents.
2 – Reference examples appropriately
Try not to overload the story with too many examples. Rather, highlights incidents that have occurred in a 30-60 day period, paint a picture of the unwanted treatment, and your attempts to get the aggressor to cease and desist.
3 – Tell vs. Sell what’s happened
Stick to the facts. Share each as they occurred and move onto the next. Provide vivid descriptions when sharing examples but never in a way that it appears you've gone overboard with the details. You don’t want the HR person or manager questioning, “Did that really happen?” because your descriptions were heavy on imagery, location, and so on.
4 – Link the inappropriate behavior to organizational outcomes
You know your job. You’re good to great to exceptional at what you do. Be able to speak to how the unwanted treatment and behavior has slowed productivity, compromised morale, caused missed deadlines, project milestones, etc. The more you’re able to show a correlation between the situation and business moving forward, the better.
In closing, every situation is unique to the individuals involved and the circumstances. If you’ve been documenting for some time, have escalated to HR and management and you’re still struggling to be heard, I advise you to seek external coaching, support from a government agency, and/or legal counsel. Applying the tips shared in this series may help you jumpstart taking action but a more detailed, focused plan to expose the situation and achieve resolution may be the best approach.
Until next week, you were created on purpose for a purpose. Have a fabulous weekend!
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as the “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly live the life of their dreams.
Anytime you’re faced with confronting an issue at work, its always best to have some form of documentation available to support your concerns; a combination of handwritten notes, email or examples of other communications, a witness or two, etc. Documentation adds validity to your concerns and can help you maintain focus when seeking resolution. It’s extremely important when dealing with workplace bullying because most bullies fly under the radar and are careful to bully in small ways over a period of time.
Not every workplace bully situation escalates to the victim making a formal complaint to HR and management. Many people opt to change jobs or employers, which is not to suggest they decided to walk away from a fight. Their way of fighting is simply different.
I encourage all of my clients to document (those that decide to expose the situation and those that decide to walk away and find a new job) because it can also be used to help them address interpersonal struggles they may have in areas such as communication, diversity, and working with difficult people. Many clients that decide to look for a new job instead use the information to seek coaching that helps them make improvements so they’re in a better position to never have to fall victim to someone’s aggressive, bullying tactics in the future.
Here are basic guidelines I share with my clients to document situations of workplace bullying. These suggestions also apply to situations of harassment, discrimination, and retaliation.
1 - Buy a journal (one that doesn’t have any spirals or 3-ring holes to fit insider of a binder).
Record all incidents in blue or black ink while fresh in your mind, Indicate the start and end time (to the best of your ability), where the incident took place, names of witnesses (if any), and a summary of what occurred.
2 – Save copies of all written correspondence from you to your aggressor, asking them to cease and desist with their inappropriate behavior.
3 – Save copies of all correspondence from your aggressor to you (even if each may not be a specific example of bullying).
4 – Save all voicemails, text messages.
Transcribe messages that are specific examples of bullying in your journal. All others, save as well for the same reasons cited in #3 above.
5 – Print and save copies of HR/company policies pertaining to:
Some incidents may fall under one of more of these policies, which if that is the case, you’ll be able to get HR and management to take action and properly investigate.
6 – Keep copies of all annual appraisals, and letters/memos that speal of your ability to do the job.
This documentation can help in a number of ways, primarily, if your aggressor is your immediate manager, revealing inconsistencies in how you’re being treated on a daily basis vs. the positive feedback you’ll most likely receive on your appraisal. Again, bullying most often occurs in small ways over a period of time. Bully managers are careful to not expose themselves to their next level manager…the same person that most likely will review your annual appraisal before it’s issued to you.
7 – Secure written statements from witnesses.
This can be tricky because one or more may not want to get involved but if they agree In addition have them state what they saw or overheard, date, time, and location and their relationship to you and the aggressor.
8 – Maintain 2 copies of everything.
Keep one set at home with your journal and the other in a secure place at work.
Come back tomorrow for the final installment. I'll share tips and techniques HR managers use to get management to take action, you can also use in your documentation.
Continue to make it a great week!
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as the “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly maintain a peace of mind.
This week we decided at A.N.Hackney&Co. to post our blog on Independence Day because you are and should always be in control of your career, independent of the company that employs you, the manager and colleagues you work with.
Tomorrow and Friday we’ll follow-up with additional tips, again in honor of you, and resume our regular posting schedule next Monday.
Happy Reading!
Workplace bullying is a serious matter. You should “sweat the small stuff” if you believe you’re being targeted by a manager or co-worker. Employee rights groups in many states are educating employers on its negative, even sometimes deadly impact, as well lobbying for legislation to make it illegal.
It’s really not a new phenomenon as some may have you think. Repeated acts of behavior from one person to another person or group in an effort to intimidate, offend, degrade, or humiliate is bullying. Period.
Because of laws and company policies promoting safe work environments, the act of bullying can be difficult to expose. Many aggressors or offenders are careful to bully within the lines and stay under the radar by committing inappropriate acts of behavior in small ways over a period of time. One incident may not appear to be harmful (which could be why you or someone you know has had difficulty getting HR and management to take action). A string of incidents occurring over a period of time is a different story, and could make all the difference in exposing the aggressor and situation for what it is.
Here are 15 warning signs to help you discern if you’re being bullied. If the majority apply to you or someone you know, it’s time to document.
Take the first step to maintaining control and your independence. Come back tomorrow and view our next post; how to organize notes and supporting evidence.
Happy 4th and continue to make it a great week!
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as the “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly live the life of their dreams.
You or someone you know has an interesting story about interviewing with Dr. Jekyll but actually working for Mr. Hyde. You aren’t the first and won’t be the last. Everyone has a bad boss story.
Bullying behavior should never be taken lightly, but in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “You’re nobody’s victim without your permission.” You’re probably not the only person frustrated with your boss’ ways. To others your boss may be a bullying peer, project member, or difficult direct report.
You’re in the driver’s seat of your career, your success. Never let a relationship with a boss or co-worker compromise your health or personal life. It’s not worth it. Here are five tips that can help you grow personally, create opportunities for other decision-makers to take notice of you, and keep you from visiting the emergency room.
1. Kill ‘em with kindness.
When your boss tries to insult you, smile, remain calm, unemotional, and respond with a question like, “I think we can discuss this in a more professional manner. What does name calling, such as referring to me as a _______ have to do with me getting ________ done?” While your boss is speaking picture something or someone that brings joy to your life or hum your favorite tune in your mind. This technique will do three things (actually four when you read the next tip). It will help you maintain composure. It sends a message to your boss you will not simply ignore the inappropriate comments. And, it puts your boss on the hook to explain their behavior.
2. Sweat the small stuff - DOCUMENT
Buy a journal (one that is bound like a book, doesn’t have any spirals or 3-ring holes to fit inside of a binder). Use each page in order, and don’t tear any out. Take notes of incidents and behavior while it’s fresh in your mind. Document exchanges in INK (never in pencil) such as the example in tip #2 to demonstrate you’ve tried to resolve conflicts in a professional manner, and to share any explanation(s) given by your boss he/she uses to justify bad behavior. Also after exchanges such as the above occur, send your boss a follow-up email recapping your discussion. Say something like, “I thought it would be good to recap our discussion earlier to make sure I fully understand your instructions and expectations. You indicated you’d like ___________. If my understanding is incorrect, please advise.” This information will come in handy should you seek assistance from Human Resources or an external third party in the future.
3. Change the way you talk to yourself.
When was the last time you actually listened to your inner voice – listen to the way YOU talk to YOURSELF? In their book, “Dealing With People You Can’t Stand” Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner call out what a person says to themselves is what they’ll think about. Saying things to yourself that makes your attitude become worse is in a sense acting in agreement with your boss’ behavior. Don’t work with your boss to make your work-life miserable. Be intentional with your thoughts. Take charge of your thought patterns, saying things to yourself that help you see the challenges as an opportunity for you to learn and grow.
4. Network like crazy.
Reach out to a couple of managers or seasoned colleagues in your area to gain tips on tasks or projects you’re assigned to work on. Try to ascertain how they’ve managed to work successfully within their teams, especially under harsh conditions, WITHOUT, mentioning the toxic relationship between you and your boss. Keep it business focused. Soon, you’ll have a small network of people and resources that can help you improve your technical, listening and communication skills, to name a few. And as an added bonus, you’ll have your own mini-cheerleading team that can speak of your commitment to doing a good-to-great-to-exceptional job even in the midst of adversity.
5. Set boundaries.
Sharing too much information about family, friends, hobbies, interests, faith, etc. can make you vulnerable. Take cues from other, seasoned staff. You’ll probably find they share little about their personal lives to maintain separation. Keep ‘chatter’ to a minimum and focused mostly on business. Arrive and leave work on time. This can be difficult if you’re a salaried employee; just don’t make it a habit of hanging around if you don’t need to be there. Get out at a decent hour. And, if you know your boss is waiting on a document or update from you, deliver it early. If a face to face conversation must occur, have it in their office or in another ‘public’ area that’s away from your workspace. Try as much as you can to prevent your boss from coming into your space, place of support where you get your work done.
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as an “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients to transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly maintain a peace of mind.
Your career is what you make it. There are many how-to books and articles, tools, systems, and other resources available to assist you. They’ll affirm your decision to make changes, inspire creativity, and help you maintain focus when you feel like giving up. But again, you’re in the driver’s seat from beginning to end.
In short, I've shared a lot of information in the past two articles. Even if you take action to apply only one or two factors, you’ll experience a shift in your search or plans. On the flip side, some of you may find it more beneficial to seek an accountability partner, spiritual advisor, career coach, or other type of resources to assist you for these reasons:
Whatever the reason, seek help if you need it. You have nothing to lose. There are jobs available. (Remember the figures I shared in Part 2).
Now, I owe you a bonus video and several other tools to help you analyze further your current state and to jumpstart taking action. Unfortunately I can’t seem to get the links to work. My assistant is enjoying a much needed rest with her family in Costa Rica. Either her instructions were flawed on how to add the links or I just didn’t follow them. I’m sure it’s the latter...
To that end, we will post the video and links when she returns mid-day Friday. And, because I feel horrible that I was not able to deliver on a promise made to you, I’ve also decided to host a FREE webinar where I’ll share more tools and insights that teach you EXACTLY how to jumpstart a career transition in less than 7 days.
Until then, love life, love yourself, love others. Make it a great week!
Anisha
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as an “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients to transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly maintain a peace of mind.
If you haven’t read Part 1 of this series, you should read it first. If you did, but still aren’t convinced making investments in yourself beyond traditional job search methods is necessary to transition your career, think again.
Roughly 5 million people have been out of work longer than a year. On the bright side, the Department of Labor recently announced the number of vacant positions has increased by 172,000 to 3.74 million, the highest gain since 2008. However, you still can’t afford to sit back and wait for a company to ‘find’ you on a job board. It could happen, but most likely won’t. Plus, if/when they do, they've probably lured 5 – 10 other candidates to compete for the same opportunity.
The fact you're reading this series puts you a step ahead, even if you aren't convinced everything I'm recommending is necessary. Taking the time to think about life goals, time management strategies, and to adjust spending habits can make a world of difference. Review the next four pairs of factors for further insight.
Get access here to a bonus video which provides a recap of all 8 factors and other ways we can stay connected. And don't forget to come back next week for Part 3.
Until next time. Make it a great week! Live well, laugh often, and love much.
Anisha
Graduation season. I love this time of the year. Studies have shown that many people begin career transitions around this time each year. Watching someone else advance to the “next level” causes us to reflect on our own aspirations and motivates us to take action. I can attest as I have several family members moving from one level to the next. I’ve found myself reflecting on personal-spiritual (these two are synonymous for me) and professional goals, while preparing to celebrate their achievements.
The term “career transition” means different things to different people. Some might say it’s implementing a strategic plan to land a new job or career that involves a series of targeted actions ranging from taking assessments of one’s skills to interviewing or networking. Others may say it’s finding new ways to revitalize or expand their current career. And, some may view it as making adjustments when necessary to keep up with changes occurring within their company or industry. I’ll let you in on a little secret I share with my clients. It’s really all of the above. It’s a simultaneous process that’s always in motion. Elements of it are planned, deliberate actions while others are more reactive, in-the moment.
It takes roughly six months to two and a half years for a person to advance or change their career. This has been the case for some time now. (I used to share this with employees when I led HR teams inside of companies to give a realistic outlook.) But don’t be alarmed. The amount of time it takes is unique to the individual and circumstances.
If you’re planning to augment or change your career, there are eight factors you should consider before doing anything else that can make or break, speed up or slow down your progress.
Come back next week for Part 2, a summary of the other factors and link to a bonus video. Part 3, I’ll share a mind map and other tools designed to jumpstart the transition process.
Since I've decided to break up this post and share the other four factors next week, you’ll have to wait one more week for me to share other ways we can stay connected. I hope that’s not a problem. You can always reach me via email at anhandco@yahoo.com and my direct line at 925-238-8145 in the interim.
Until next time, in full and unwavering support of you, keep striving for success and make it a great week!
Anisha works exclusively with individuals providing HR Support, Done-For-You Services, and Coaching. Known as an “HR Passionista” in certain circles, her signature systems help clients transform their careers, resolve workplace conflicts (e.g. bullying, harassment), and more importantly maintain a peace of mind.
I never took an oath or signed a pledge when my career in HR began, but I’ve always maintained a sense of pride that my line of work contributed to people being able to live out their dreams and aspirations.
My first tour of duty in the industry was actually in high school working a part-time job, but it was shortly after college that I knew HR was my path to making a difference. At the same time, the industry was experiencing a major shift. We were telling CEO’s we could do so much more than push new hire paperwork and run payroll. In response came larger budgets, new technology, over-sized teams, and 14-16 hour work days. We up’d our game and won a seat at “the table.” We started living and breathing the bottom line. Many days we couldn’t see the forest through the trees. Our family and friends weren’t seeing us. Depending on who you asked, we were either living a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. It was fun, exhilarating, and exhausting all at the same time.
During all that transforming, becoming business leaders, I’ll admit, we lost our way a bit. Convincing ourselves all of those restructures, “re-whatever’s” were good for people (us included) we stopped caring about the people we were meant to serve. Instead, we created questionable alliances with management teams; turned our cheeks when excessive amounts of paperwork showed up in employees files or emails were used for terminations (whoops I meant workforce reductions…another “r” word). “It’s all apart of business,” we said, and employees didn’t respond favorably. We lost your respect and trust. Everything we fought to have a seat at the table for was turning into our worst enemy. No, we didn’t create the entire problem ourselves but we influenced it, and need to own up to that.
But enough of that cause I could go on for days. Let me introduce myself. After 20 years in the business, call me a renegade. I’ve switched to the other side to work exclusively with individuals. I know the tips, strategies, and techniques companies use to marginalize people and/or push them out. (And sadly, I continue to hear stories of new ones just about every week.) Until recently, few options existed other than retaining an attorney or getting a doctor to place you on stress leave to combat problems like harassment, bullying or retaliation. Most people just try to ignore it or change positions to make their problems go away. But it never really goes away until it’s dealt with head on.
I can help you if:
Let me be clear:
1. I am NOT an attorney. There are many instances where retaining an attorney is the best thing to do. If the problem persists in ways coaching cannot resolve, I’d be the first to recommend you seek legal counsel.
2. I am NOT a medical professional. Some situations depending on individual circumstances may indicate the need to seek medical attention. I’d never stand in your way if that’s the case but may recommend you continue coaching. Receiving medical attention may be one-part of the solution to addressing the problem. Other actions may still need to occur to resolve it completely.
3. I AM straight-forward. If you’ve failed to adhere to a company policy or acted inappropriately with others, I can’t wave a magic wand and make that go away. I will be fair and honest in my assessment of your situation and coach you from that point. Regardless of the circumstances, your company has a responsibility to make sure their actions are fair, consistent, and maintain your safety at all times.
Working with me you will be able to express concerns, frustrations, successes and failures, without risk, in a safe and confidential manner. My goal is to help you make progress through the situation(s) you’re facing, to arrive at solutions and outcomes that are best for you.
Still not sure if I can help you? Connect with me here each week, beginning next Monday. I will post articles (not as lengthy as this one) on a variety of HR issues. If there’s a specific question or topic you’d like me to address, leave a comment below. I’ll also share other ways we can stay in touch.
Here’s my last disclaimer. I’m NOT in the business of villanizing others. Understand, especially if you're dealing with a conflict, many factors may be contributing to your situation. I’m not excusing anyone for their behavior, but ultimately, if you come to me for help, you are my concern and priority. Let’s leave the character assassinations out of it.
Need help right now? Schedule a FREE exploratory session to discuss your needs. Call 925-238-8145 or send an email to anhandco@yahoo.com.
Until next time. Stay true to yourself. Know that you are designed for success and make it a great week!
Anisha