I've become quite the salesperson lately. I sell candles, cosmetics and a highly potent antioxidant juice. I'll admit it, we're finding it hard to make ends meet in our family lately.

Last week we completely ran out of toilet paper. With a few days to go until payday, my husband placed a box of Kleenex next to the toilet. I guess he didn't read the box, which read that the tissues had been treated with Vicks VapoRub! It was then that I realized I had better start helping our family by generating some income, and a home-based business seemed like a good idea.

The trouble is, I don't really have a head for business. For instance, I spend way too much money on my candle parties. I serve chips and dips, cocktail wienies and meatballs. I mix up martinis and margaritas, and bake brownies for dessert. I like to have a lot of munchies on hand, plus I firmly believe that when people are enjoying a cocktail, they part with their money a lot easier.

This idea backfired the day I actually became a candle consultant. I hosted a candle party and invited all my friends. To my embarrassment, no one showed up. I had mixed some margaritas and purchased a large, expensive platter of those clever little pinwheel sandwiches. Waste not, want not, I always say, so the candle consultant and I began

eating, chatting, and sipping

All I know is, the next day my husband woke me with the words, So, you're a candle consultant now, eh? I thought it odd that the candle gal thought I would be good at selling candles. After all, no one even showed up at my party. By the way, my family ate those blasted pinwheel sandwiches for dinner three nights in a row!

Actually, even though I love the candles, I've made very little money at it. Let me rephrase that: I have made no money at it. Maybe it's because I give my friends ridiculous discounts, or maybe it's because while I'm ordering candles for other people, I start ordering stuff for

myself.

My husband will tell you that I have an uncanny way with money. Like citronella candles to mosquitoes, I repel it. He is still smugly waiting for the day when I actually turn a profit. I guess he just doesn't appreciate the candles (that I burn), or the makeup (that I wear), or the magical antioxidant tonic (that I drink). Can't he see I'm just trying to help our family? I can't wait till the day I drive up in my new little sports car, thanks to a big candle sale. OK, so maybe it will be a Pinto, but it will be all mine.

I hope I'll have some friends left after all this selling, because every time I show up at school to pick up the kids, I think I hear people whispering, Oh no, here comes that McKenna woman. What is she peddling today? I would hate to be known as The Candle Pusher or something.

Now there's an idea! Maybe I could get my kids to start selling tea lights to other kids in the bathroom at school. Then their moms would get hooked on the fragrance of Cinnamon Sticks and Mango Tangerine.

Ah yes, I can almost feel the steering wheel of my Pinto now