You say that I'm being overly melodramatic? In a day and age when the statures of legends like Babe Ruth and Jim Brown are dwarfed by the roided-out biceps of such cultural icons as Barry … uh … Sanders and Baron … Baptiste? That was a close one - wouldn't want to pull the wool from the eyes of Bay Area sports fans.
The point is that much like the athletes of yesteryear, the only drug these bowlers are addicted to was first fermented by the Egyptians, and not synthesized in the lab.
The bottom line is that bowling is such a pure sport. You take a rubber; or perhaps a reactive poly-urethane compound loaded with proprietary additives wrapped around an asymmetric weight block doped with bismuth, barium, iron oxide or zirconium, ball and roll it down a long wooden (or phenol formaldehyde formed laminate finished with cellulose and coated with a mixture of paraffin, petroleum, and polyalphaolefinic oils with a touch of fluorescent whitening agents as described in U.S. patent 6268315) lane to try and knock down 10 little pins. What could be simpler?
Only it wasn't that simple for the league keglers on Monday night. The fourth and final night of the Viper pattern yielded the lowest scores yet. Only three bowlers broke the 750 barrier. Leading the way was Clark Walmer, captain and anchor for Kinder's Meats, with games of 224, 222, 203 and 201 for a league-best 850 set. Vaughn Karabedian, captain of Team 7, fired the top game of the night, 225, on his way to a 779 four-game total.
On the other side of the aisle and the lane, Tammy Watt, leadoff bowler for Team 1, rolled two deuces en route to a 778 series. In the standings, Team 6 was able to expand its lead to nearly 40 points over Team 7 despite a lackluster 26-30 night.
So while football players keep getting arrested and David Stern continues to script the NBA, Nowitzki didn't come within two feet of Wade and even a blind man can see that Varejao is flopping, the HansonRealEstate.com Scratch League remains the last moral compass in the sports world.
Instead of injecting HGH to strengthen their bodies, these athletes gulp down potions that make them feel better about themselves and their games. All right, maybe they're not perfect, but when was the last time you heard of a bowler being suspended for behavior at a strip club?